Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Change For the Worse

     I am overwhelmed with frustration that I could explode! I never expected life to be so frustrating with my new host family. When I first arrived in my new home, with my first host parents help, everything was fine. After my first host family left, my new host mom changed. Every time I talk to her she replies like she is talking to a baby; exceptionally slow and simp compared to when she talks to my younger host siblings! My second host mom exaggerates her expressions when she speaks with me; her mouth opens and closes comparable to when a cow eats, her eyes widen and bulge, and she distinguishes her sentences as lethargic as a slugging snail.
     They must have an impression that I am retarded, which I am not (I am sure I would notice if my capability was below average). Even though I do not speak fluent french, it does not mean I am inadequate of performing any task at the same level as any other normal human being. Hopefully in time my second host family will realise that they do not have a two year old living with them for three months, but a full functional teenager with ideas and thinking skills.
     On the other hand, my host mother piles loads of responsibility on my shoulders; despite their behavior suggesting my inefficacy. I help with the laundry, the dishwasher, cleaning the house in general, the baby, the children, and more. My host mom will not even let me leave the house or hang out with my friends due to her egotistical personality. She tells me, "when Pierre's children are at the house, it's family time," meaning, "you can't leave because I do not want to take care of the children, so you have to." This situation also means I can't go out jogging with liberation. Since I came to Belgium I have been jogging almost everyday and currently, my host mom does not give me a choice whether I want to leave the house or not. When I stopped jogging my body has been feeling strained and uncomfortable.
     My stress level is escalating even more from other changes. Regine does not make dinner until after 9 almost every night. Before supper I am tired and angry because I am hungry; afterwards I can't go to bed because I can't fall asleep after I eat. I have not been able to sleep sufficiently for 6 days. She feeds me lots of junk food that makes me crave real food.
     The worst part is, is that I do not know what to do. If I move back to my first host family's house, then I risk destroying the relationship my first host parents have with my second host family (since my host dads are cousins). The feelings of my second host parents are also at risk; they might have an impression that I hate them. In these moments I reflect on the other foreign exchange students who are in the same situation as me. Most of the exchange students who had problems with their family either; went home, changed families, or waited to change their host families while they became melancholy and downcast.
     With all these unfortunate situations, my happiness, confidence, countenance, social life, sleeping patterns, and my performance at school have gone down the drain. It took only a week for me to slip into depression. At school, I pretend I am fine when I feel the contrary. The only comforts in my life are my friends and my first host family (when I get the sliver of a chance to see them). With all my heart I wish I could make my life function with my second host family and surpass the differences amung us, yet all I think of is how miserable I am.

No comments:

Post a Comment